Today’s reading is Luke 15:1-16:31.

I am once again reminded of the compassion God has given me and of the compassion I need to have for others.

For a long time, I’ve been enamored with the concept of “tough love.” Basically, what I thought that meant was if someone made their own bed, they had to lie in it. Sure, if someone through no fault of their own had a hard time in some area, emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, spiritually, then I would be there to help them out of their tight spot. That is, of course, the loving thing to do. However, if their trouble was in their own doing, my job was to be like wisdom in Proverbs 1:26, and laugh at their calamity. 

But then here is this story about a father and two brothers. This prodigal made his bed. He demanded his inheritance before the time. He wasted it on profligate living. He destroyed his own life. He comes back to his father. Will the father show tough love? Will he tell the son to pull himself up by the bootstraps and get out of his own mess he so willingly made? Will he accepts the son’s idea of being a servant and working his way out of it? That’s kind of an intermediate idea. “You have to work your way out of it, but I’ll help you get a job.” No. The father does none of these things. The father just shows love. He accepts the son back as his son. He shows mercy and grace.

The older brother, on the other hand, is livid. He’s all for tough love. “This son of yours” he calls the brother. He doesn’t deserve this. But of course not. If he deserved it, it wouldn’t be mercy and grace, would it? “He made his own bed. If he had been more like me, this wouldn’t have happened.”

I get two things out of this. I’m reminded that I am the prodigal. I’m not the son who stayed with the father the whole time (though, I think the older brother was not being honest with himself when he tried to claim he had always done what the father wanted, but that is another post). I’m the son who went into the far country, looking for meaning and fulfillment elsewhere. However, I never found it. Instead, I found things that left me broken and empty. I was eating pods with the pigs. I too came back to the Father with the idea that I could somehow be His servant, earning my keep. Then perhaps someday I could work my way up and deserve His love again…maybe. But, instead of demanding I earn my keep, He brought out the fattened calf and celebrated with me. He put a robe on my back and a ring on my finger and, because of His love, declared me His son. Wow! I needed that.

The second thing is I need to recognize that same thing with others. I’m a returning prodigal who has been shown mercy, grace and love. How can I show anything less to the other returning prodigals? Of course, I should not enable anyone to live in sin or continue with prodigal living. I should not be a codependent rescuer. That would be participating in their sin (Ephesians 5:11). If we keep the phrase “tough love” to mean we stay lovingly detached from those who want to stay in their problems and establish boundaries for our continued aid, then okay. But withholding mercy, grace, and aid from those who penitently seek it is not tough love. It is not love at all. We’ve all made our beds. If our Father forced us to lie in them, where would we be? If we do the same to our fellow returning prodigals, where would they be? 

I am reminded of two things today. I have been shown great mercy. I need to also be merciful.

Keep the faith and keep reading,

ELC

Today’s reading is Matthew 25:1-26:75.

I didn’t get far in today’s reading before I was hit by Matthew 25:8-9.

“And the foolish said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ But the wise answered, saying, ‘Since there will not be enough for us and for you, go rather to the dealers and buy for yourselves.’”

What an amazing passage.

Some consider the wise virgins as heartless and mean. “Look at how they are hoarding what they have instead of sharing.” But the wise were right. Remember, Jesus called them wise, not wicked. The wise virgins understood the need for boundaries. I have no doubt they were very concerned for the foolish virgins. But they understood that the improper planning of the fools did not place a burden on them.

Let’s back up and get something straight. We are all to be servants. The Bible is full of stories and instruction showing us we need to be servants, we need to share, we need to help. Sadly, however, too many Christians have carried this way beyond the point the Scripture makes and have become codependent doormats. That is, they become enablers who pave the way for others to simply live in folly and often sin.

Paul said, “If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat” (II Thessalonians 3:10). We look at someone hungry and say, “Oh, but their hungry.” We feed them and simply enable their laziness. Yes, we should serve, but we shouldn’t enable.

That is the lesson of the five wise virgins. They refused to enable the five foolish virgins. They had boundaries. They did help. They were there with the five foolish virgins. They gave them good advice. For all that, they refused to cross the boundary line.

Perhaps the hardest part about this on the side of the five wise virgins is thinking, “But what will they think of me? What if they don’t like me anymore? What will they say about me? This could ruin our relationship.” The wise virgins didn’t think on those lines. They simply thought about what was the right thing to do. They didn’t allow their insecurities of what others might think to dictate their actions. Had they done so, the five foolish virgins would have liked them. However, the wise virgins would no longer have been wise, but would have been fools as were their counterparts. 

Somebody once gave me a little saying that has really helped me in the moments I want to be codependent and cross boundaries, acting based on how people think about me rather than what is right. He said, “You know, it’s really none of my business what everyone else thinks about me.” We simply can’t control what everyone else will think. When we know we’ve done the right thing, we don’t need to worry what everyone else thinks because what they think doesn’t make what we did wrong. In like manner if we have done what is wrong, what everyone else thinks won’t make what we did right. Instead of codependently worrying about what everyone else thinks of us and whether or not they are judging us, disapproving us, or looking down on us, let’s simply work to do the next right thing. What everyone else thinks of us doesn’t change whether or not we are right with God or whether or not we are wise.

Let’s be like the five wise virgins. Let’s establish boundaries. Let’s offer good help but not behave codependently.

Keep the faith and keep reading,

ELC

P.S. What did you get out of today’s reading?